Re: story of naruku,need aprroval

by **Aki** Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:40 pm

Well when I was reading it... it seemed more like you were listing things that happened in your past with a little bit of an explanation. It will make sense here and there, but then you throw in something randomy and it gets confusing. Ah like...

When Naruku was on an importen mission he met his aunt that survived the attack on there clan. (out of loneliness naruku' s aunt joined the akastiki) She told Naruku to join the akastiki with her, when naruku refused she attack naruku, during battle she told naruku that he was too hesitant. She told Naruku a inusha clan secret if you kill 365 people you will get a jutsu that will make him the strongest member of the clan. So Naruku set out to do what she told him, he killed many people without showing mercy or any restraint, Naruku slauterd entier villages. The 158th person he tried to kill was his mother.(he attacked his mother with intention to kill as they battle naruku used his bloodline trait the flaming feting once his mother saw that jutsu she lowered her guard, as Naruku ran towards her with a kuni in his hand, his mother reversed the attack and gave Naruku a hug and cryed with happiness) After she fond out it was her son he told him what he was told by his aunt, she said but this will make you more powerful then she pulled a urn out of her back pack, she seid the urn had the demon berserker spirit in it. She preformed a ritual that put berserker in the same spot as the spider demon.

This paragraph is rather confusing. At first it makes some sense seeing as you are talking about you and your aunt meeting. You introduce the whole killing thing, but then you throw in the bit about your mother and this new demon thing. That's the part I got slightly confused at.

Also... you do realize you can't be a complete weapons master at a Genin level right?

by **naruku** Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:08 pm

i did what you said

by **naruku** Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:05 pm

how about now

by Lee Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:23 pm

Edited 49 times... I applaud your effort and stuff. You remind me of someone else who used be on this site, he never gave up. One day he showed everyone that he either improved his spelling, or learned to use spell check. Please apply one of those to your posts. Just have a spell check tab that's always opened, and it'll get you a lot further.

Congrats, it's a lot better. If I could approve this, I would. Nice job man.

by **naruku** Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:26 pm

this one shod work

by **naruku** Sat Jun 20, 2009 4:45 pm

this one is better

by **Aki** Sat Jun 20, 2009 6:10 pm

Alright, you've worked hard and you've shown that you can improve. Keep on trying to improve and you'll be loads better. Since you've put so much effort into it and you have shown that you can improve, Approved.

Keep in mind that you'll have to explain all this accordingly in the needed sections, such as your demon, your jutsus, etc. Keep on improving though! You've shown that you've got the potential, now prove to us you do have the potential and can surpass what we thought you'd never be!

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