story of naruku,need aprroval

[naruku]

Name:Naruku inusha

Age:13

Bloodline:Inusha

Rank:genin

Classification:

Village:leaf village,mist village

Alignment:Naruku is on the side of good but he looks as if he were evil, and Naruku is ruthless he will do the most evil thing' s to get what he want' s.

Appearance: Naruku hair goes straight down on each side and his hair reaches his shoulders. He has two headband's one is from the mist village and the one that he wears is from the leaf village. The one from the leaf village has a long scar through it like the akatski except his scar is diagonal.(the scar came from naruku' s aunt that is in the akatsuki when those two met, she attacked naruku but when she found out he was part of the Inusha clan and he was still alive, she tried to get Naruku to join the akatsuki. When he refused, those two had a battle and at the end of the battle, she pulled out the sacret Inusha blade and swung it at naruku and it hit his head band).

Naruku wears something that looks like a bullet proof vest but it is a custom vest that stops blade' s. He wears a sleeveless shirt that has the Inusha clans symbol over top of his vest. Naruku has bandage up to his left shoulder and the bandage on his right arm that goes to his elbow. He wears shorts that go to the middle of his shin bone.

Naruku's eye color is ever changing (naruku and Neji had a battle and when Neji used his byakugan and his mind tricks that damaged Naruku' s eyes so his chakra tried to repair his eyes so now his eyes change color every time he blinks.
Naruku some times wears this but his eyes and head band stays the same.

Personality:Naruku has been through many tragedies so naruku became a very shy person and not shy as in afraid of other people, shy as in he does not talk unless he knows you. Naruku uses his stair and his colorful eyes to mentally assault his opponent and to see how they react two to his silent stair. Narukus eyes are very sensitive to movements, so if you make the slightest flinch naruku will see it and use it against you.

Naruku will cry if he thinks its necessary or if he is testing his opponent. Naruku has had so much pain and emotions in his life he can simulate any emotions. Daring battle's he will stick with one expression on his face because it messes with his opponents head and causes his opponent to change their strategy. Naruku is very tactical from the first moment he meet' s you he will begin to study your voice and your movements.

Naruku fighting style is just as good as his mental style, naruku is also trining to be a master at every weapon, This is naruku he is the mental and physical assassin.

History:Naruku was born in the mist-village(when he was one they put half of the chakara from the spider demon in him ) he was enrolled in the ninja academy when he was 6 One random day inusha clan was attacked by there rival clan the divilutey clan, the Inusha clan fought them back but at the end of the battle each clan was thought to be completely destroyed. Naruku had survived the attack, Naruku look for day for survivor but there were no others so after he graduated from the academy(the only way to pass the academy in the mist village is to is to kill all the other students so all your freinds you have made bonds with you must kill them just to graduated) at age 9 he left the mist village.

Naruku spent two years as a missing ninja. All thos year by him self cused him to develuped a very unique style he fond out by useing fear he cud win the battle before it even began. Naruku spent such a long time alone he began to become very shy and he appaired to be emoshonless, he discoverd that his new personallity only helped his unique style. By age 11 he arrived at the leaf village he started training immediately, he continued to train to be a weapon master. Naruku stayed at the orphaning where he was adopted by Ryu hataka (his team mate)family after 2 years with Ryu family and with squad 22 he started getting less shy.

When Naruku was on an importen mission he met his aunt that survived the attack on there clan. (out of loneliness naruku' s aunt joined the akastiki) She told Naruku to join the akastiki with her, when naruku refused she attack naruku, during battle she told naruku that he was too hesitant. She told Naruku a inusha clan secret if you kill 365 people you will get a jutsu that will make him the strongest member of the clan. So Naruku set out to do what she told him, he killed many people without showing mercy or any restraint, Naruku slauterd entier villages. The 158th person he tried to kill was his mother but naruku didn't know that.(he attacked his mother with intention to kill as they battle naruku used his bloodline trait the flaming feting once his mother saw that jutsu she relized it was her son so she lowered her guard, as Naruku ran towards her with a kuni in his hand, his mother reversed the attack and gave Naruku a hug and cryed with happiness) After she fond out it was her son he told him what he was told by his aunt, she said but this will make you more powerful, then she pulled a urn out of her back pack, she said the urn had the demon berserker spirit in it(berserkeris the icon of the Inusha caln,and berserkers spirit was also thot to be destyod derring the graet asult)Berserker was going to die if he did not have a body to servie in,and berserker is importent to the Inusha clan so she cuden't let berserker die .So she preformed a ritual that put berserker in the same spot as the spider demon.

Now Naruku is back at the leaf village to continue his training, he resintley got his spider demon taken out by his aunt in the akatski so the demon berserker has taken over more power. so Naruku has that one demon and that's it and he finished all the rituals so berserker is more powerful. Then it normally is.



Speciality:kenjutsu

Learned jutsus:flaming feeten,flash jutsu

Elements:litghing

Weapons/items:naruku were's a vest that is made to stop blade' s of all kind. it's worn onder his shirt so there' s no way for you to now that he' s wearing it

Goals:none

[Kyouken Uchiha]

follow template

[naruku]

o.k, i used the template this time

[naruku]

it' s done

[Kenshi]

Denied

[naruku]

it's done (i hope)

[Kenshi]

Not approved, Denied

You cannot RP with this character at all.

[naruku]

why can't i

[Kenshi]

Your grammar, your use of English, your history does not meet the standards required to RP here.

[naruku]

ok ,i will try again

[naruku]

o.k i made sure it was good(please approve

[Dean]

OMG.....HUGE RUN ON SENTENCE!!!! Sorry for posting here, but you really do need to work on your grammar.

[Aki]

Okay, not approved.

he is a level 3 weapon master(he can make weapon' s appear out of poof of smoke in his hands or any wear els

What is a level 3 weapon master? We don't have levels or anything like that... To be a master with weapons, or talented with it, its called Kenjutsu.

Also, Genin are only allowed one element...

And you're supposed to leave classification blank.

Also, your grammar could be worked on, a lot. Remember the things we've learned in school called 'periods (.)'. Please remember that along with capitalization.

Aki say HELL NO!!! To the approval that that dudes character.

[naruku]

O.K ,CAN I TRY ONE MORE TIME

[Aki]

Yes, feel free to try as many times as needed. And if you need help, there are plenty of people who are willing to help.

[Shin Uchiha]

lol, edited 35 times. Thats a new record.

[Ushiro Hyuuga]

really will this will be in the hall of fame for most edit post lol

[Jacksanto]

Hey, hint for grammar get a word processor with grammar checks and check it against that.


And your appearance drifted off topic into the history.

and yeah 35 edits is the most ive seen ANYWHERE...

lets hope this topic doesn't die now that i post.. is there a problem with the way i rp cuz no one has replied to my rp topic T.T

[naruku]

I HOPE THIS ON IS BETER

[Aki]

Sorry, but it's still a no. One big tip is to of course use a spellcheck. Also, another one is to break up your history paragraph. One problem is that its hard to read because in the first place there are already plenty of grammar mistakes. Another is that it seems to be one long continuous sentence, rather than groups of sentences making up a paragraph.

For example:

His hair goes' s straight down on each side and his hair reaches his shoulders. He has two head band's one is from the mist village and the one that he wears is from the leaf village. The one from the leaf village has a long scar through it like the akatski except his scar is diagonal.(the scar came from naruku' s aunt that is in the akatsuki when those two met, she attacked naruku but when she found out he was part of the inusha clan and he was still alive, she tried to get him to join the akatsuki. When he refused, those two had a battle and at the end of the battle, she pulled out the sacret Inusha blade and swung it at naruku and it hit his head band) Naruku wears something that looks like a bullet proof vest but it is a custom vest that stops blade' s. He wears a sleeveless shirt that has the inusha clans symbol over top of his vest. Naruku has tape up to his left shoulder and the tape on his right arm that goes' s to his elbow. He wears shorts that go to the middle of his shin bone,. His eye color is ever changing (naruku and neji had a battle and neji used his byakugan and his mind tricks that damaged naruku' s eyes so his chakra tried to repair his eyes so now his eyes chang coler every time he blinks.

This one has many errors, but... its still quite possible to save it. And for these purposes, I shall bold them (some of them anyway).

His hair goes straight down his back on each side, reaching his shoulders. He has two headbands, one from the Mist Village and the one that he wears is from the Leaf Village. The one from the Leaf Village has a long scar through it diagonally. The scar occurred when Naruku's aunt (who was in the Akatsuki) attacked him, but when she found out that he was part of the Inusha Clan she tired to get him to join the Akatsuki. When he refused they had a battle, and at the end of the battle she pulled out the scared Inusha blade and swung it at Naruku, hitting his headband.

See, this is only a part of it, but it looks a lot better now. If you try, and if you need to, ask for help, then you're bound to get this approved. And after that, all you need to do is work on your grammar.

Oh and tape... do you mean bandages?

(Question, do you by any chance not speak English? Just wondering. It doesn't mean anything if you are or aren't.)

[naruku]

yea i speak English its just that, im from the hood so i type a different way then everyone els

[Jacksanto]

Hey email me at jypolly@hotmail.com or add me on msn, i can help you as best i can

[naruku]

is this one better???

[Aki]

Well, its better yes, but if you could, could you fix your history? Its a little hard to understand... And for that I'm afraid I can't really approve this. Though, this is a LOT better than before. Congrats.

[naruku]

what shod i change about it

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